stuff from Michael I don't want to forget

Background: Nathan has a board game called Memoir '44. It is a game that creates different scenarios based on WWII battles. He learned early from Grandpa Call (the one who gave him the game as a birthday gift a couple of years ago) that it is important to read about the battles before you play the scenarios.

Well, the other day Michael came up to me and said, "Mom, Nathan's game Memoir '44 means Memoir 1944" (with extra emphasis on the 19). "That's the same CENTURY you and dad were born in."

Thanks for point that out, Mike.

[It was actually interesting for me to hear this. I remembered being a kid and thinking things like Vietnam, Korea and the world wars we SO LONG AGO. It is funny to watch this same thing happen in my kids.]

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The other night Brian asked Michael to say the family prayer. Michael prayed, "Bless the missionaries that they can find people to teach and bless that the people will believe them."

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Family scripture study yesterday - Michael read aloud the chapter heading for Alma 53 and in the same breath exclaims, "Yea! I love this chapter!" Then he moved right on to verse 1.

It is so fun watching this kid grow!

Pioneer Trek - Women's Pull

About a year ago, Brian and I attended a workshop for a handcart trek at Deseret Land and Livestock. Our ward was on the waiting list, but we were invited to come in case a spot opened up. They gave us a TON of information, and one of the things they talked about was a women's pull, a time where the men leave and the women pull the handcarts on their own, along a very difficult part of the trail. This has been on my mind often since that day. I thought about the amazing lessons the young women would learn; that they are strong, that they are capable of doing hard things, that they are loved and that they can seek out their Heavenly Father's help. From the time we found out we would be having a trek, and throughout all of the planning, the time I spent thinking about this portion of the trek only increased.

Two Sundays before trek, I was leading the music in Sacrament meeting and the thought came to me, "Write your girls' parents a letter." I knew right away that I needed to let the parents of my Beehives (the 12 and 13 year old young women) know that on the Friday morning of trek they would be facing the biggest challenge of their week. As I talked with the other young women leaders we decided to send letters to each of the young women's parents, no matter their age. The letters were delivered after the girls had left. (I also had copies for any parents who were attending the trek.)

Dear Brian and Jennifer,

We are so grateful to have Elizabeth on the trek this week. We hope it is a wonderful experience for her.

This Friday morning on the trek we will be having a women's pull. The young women and their leaders will pull the handcarts on their own for part of the trail. This will be a challenge, but we know that the young women can do it, and then they will also know that they can accomplish hard things. As we have thought about this upcoming experience we would like to invite you to pray for your young woman with this specific challenge in mind. Pray that she can have the strength, physical and otherwise, to accomplish this task and that this experience will be one that increases her faith and builds her testimony.

Thank you,

The Young Women's Presidency

On Thursday night, I went with one of the trek missionaries, Bishop, Brian and the other counselor in Young Women's to see the trail that we would be on and to make final decisions about exactly where the women's pull would start. I said so many prayers in my mind and heart that we would be equal to the task. Brian said our couple prayer that night. He prayed for the young women, their leaders and specifically for my blistered feet. 

Friday morning came very early. I forced myself to eat, though I was a little anxious and not very hungry. Most of the young women had no idea what was in store for them that day. I prepped my feet to the best of my ability. After packing everything up we headed out on the trail for 1.2 miles. At that point we stopped for a water break.

At this point Bishop visited with each of the four trek "families" on their own. He called the pas and sons on missions. (As the Saints traveled west in the 1840's and 1850's, it was not unusual for the fathers/sons to be called on missions and for the wives and children to move on without them. Other times the father's died because they gave their rations to their family.) He blessed the women with strength and invited the pas to offer a family prayer. Then the men headed up the hill. Each family was left with three or four young women, a ma, an aunt (another woman on the trek) and a 400-500 pound loaded handcart. 

At this point I was not alone in being rather teary. I did not fear the challenge, and I knew that we would succeed, but I also knew it would be difficult. We gathered all of the women in a circle. Our Young Women's president told the story of Jens and Elsie Neilson, a small women who pulled her injured husband in her handcart rather than leave him behind. We sang, we prayed and we prepared to begin our challenge. One young women was particularly weepy. I gave her a hug and whispered in her ear, "your mom and dad know. They know this will be a hard day and they are praying for you."

My words can not possibly describe how hard this was. I can only say that in my memory I haven't done anything this physically demanding and challenging, at least not in a very, very long time. And on top of the physical aspect of it all, I couldn't stop thinking about the girls, especially my little Liz, all 64 pounds of her. We stopped after each of the hills for water and a quick rest. At one point we could see the men. They were tiny figures at the top of the hill waving their hats. One young woman said, "If you need encouragement, look at that." The next part of the trail took us around a corner and the men were out of sight again, but we didn't have much time to look because we walked and pushed. 

There were times that I really thought I couldn't go on. I whispered my prayer, "help me, help us, help me," over and over again. There were times when suddenly the weight was gone and in an instant I felt a renewed strength and I was able to push a little harder. It would get hard again, but I felt the help, and we all kept going. The last stretch was the steepest portion. It was grueling to push to the top, and then, just as we were cresting the hill and felt like we could do no more, the pa and sons of our family came to our side and began pushing. We had done it!

Then the tears started to flow freely. I embraced the other woman who I had been pushing with on the cart, and the three young women who had been right there with us. Then, Liz was suddenly by my side, and we hugged and wept. I kissed her forehead. I was so grateful for what we had accomplished. Then, there was the person I wanted to see most. Brian wrapped his arms around me and Liz and didn't let go for a very long time. All around me brothers hugged sisters, husbands hugged wives and fathers hugged daughters, and all had tears. One young man in the trek family that I helped said to the young women, "you don't know how hard it was to watch and not help." That same sentiment was evident on the men's faces.

And it was as we rested that I realized I had not felt the pain in my feet all morning. It was with me the rest of the 8.2 miles that day, but I felt this was a tender mercy for me on that morning.

I have now had several days to think about and reflect on the experiences of Friday morning. 

In truth one of my first reactions to the experience was that of weakness. My tears flowed after the pull because we had suddenly finished something very, very hard. But some of my tears came for a different reason. I felt weak. I felt like I hadn't done enough. I felt like I hadn't done my part because I hadn't been able to make it easy for those with whom I was pulling.*  And then I realized that weakness isn't necessarily a bad thing. The Lord does not expect us to do things ourselves. In fact, he uses those who rely on him to do his work. I thought about Moses who was slow of speech. I thought of Joseph Smith who had very little formal education. I thought of David who was much smaller than Goliath. Each of them was able to accomplish great works through the enabling power that comes from the Lord. I thought of Philipians 4:13. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

This goes right along with another thought. Sister Elaine Dalton, who was released in April as the general young women's president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, often used the phrase, "I can do hard things." This is something that we hoped our young women would learn. But in reality we really hoped for more than that. I was rereading this talk by Sister Dalton and realized that we don't need to learn that we can do hard things, but rather, "In the strength of the Lord, I can do all things." He can truly help us overcome anything that we face.

I talked to a couple of parents who mentioned the letter that had been delivered. One mom told me how her little boy prayed for his big sister and how she had thought about her daughter all day Friday. One father told me how he folded the note and put it in his pocket and how he thought of his daughter each time he reached for his chapstick. And the young woman I had hugged and told that her parents were praying had come up to me later that day and said, "Did you really say that my parents knew about this today?" I could tell that it made a difference for her. The Lord knew that the girls and parents needed this.

As I have reflected, not only on the young women, but also the young men, I have found it interesting the ways we helped them learn lessons on this particular day. Our goals were to help each of them feel the influence of the Holy Ghost and to draw closer to their Heavenly Father. To achieve this goal we gave the girls an incredibly hard PHYSICAL experience to overcome. And then, on the other hand, we gave these young men (these young holders of the priesthood who are so eager to serve and who are always ready to dive into a task) a very EMOTIONAL experience. Now I am not saying that young women never do physical things and that young men never express emotion, but I feel that we took them each out of the norm a little bit, took them out of a comfortable place, to help them stretch and grow.

I am working on a slideshow about all of the trek, but I really wanted to put this together. This video is mostly for me and Liz, but I wanted to capture as many people as I could that were right there with us. I don't know if I will ever be able to look at these pictures and not tear up. And I think that is a good thing. It means that the feelings and lessons are still in my heart.

*Nearly a week has passed since I originally posted this, and a week and a half has passed since the women's pull, and I still continue to learn lots from this experience. I have thought a great deal about my comment about feeling weak because I couldn't make this easy for the other women. I have had to realize that THIS WAS THE POINT. If I had made it easy it would have taken away their opportunity to struggle and learn the lessons we hoped they would learn. 

Then I thought about myself as a mother. Oh, how I want my kids to never struggle! I don't want hard things to come their way. But what lessons would they miss out on? And if I am the one making things easy for them, they will learn to rely on me, and I don't want that. I cannot always be with them, but Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ can. I want my children to learn to rely on THEM, not me. 

And then I thought about myself as a wife. Brian does an incredible amount for me and our family. Not only does he work hard each day, but he makes up for the things I can't do because of my vision. He sure carries the burden of groceries and other errands. He has always done it willingly, and he has NEVER complained, but when I see how much he has on his plate I wish I could lighten his load a little bit. I have often thought, "If only I could drive, I could make things so much easier for Brian." But I have realized this week that the Lord does not intend for me to lighten his load in this way. I know that through my vision challenges the Lord is blessing us both, and helping us both become the people he needs us to become. And when I am worried about Brian and all he has on his plate, I can pray for the Lord to bless and strengthen him.

A young man spoke in church today about trek. He talked about the Women's Pull. He talked about the blessing given by the Bishop to the women, and the prayers said by the pa in each family. He talked about walking up the hill and how hard it was, even without a handcart. He talked about how, as he walked, he thought about Christ's Atonement and how Jesus suffered for all of our pains so that He would understand the challenges we face. What an amazing lesson!

A few things I want to remember

Last night for Family Home Evening we were talking about families; what makes up a family, why families are important, and why each individual is an important member of our family.what a great conversation.

We were talking about how families can be eternal when they are sealed in the temple. Michael asked about kids who are born after their parents have been sealed (like our kids were) and said, "So they are sealed right when they are born." I answered that this was correct. And he went on to say something like this. "I think I was up in heaven watching." He leaned forward with hands in fists as if anticipating something and continued, "And when you were married and sealed I was so excited." At this point he threw his arms up as if in victory.  We don't know if we knew before we came to earth who our families would be, but I loved this reminder that we have people (both living and dead) pulling for us, cheering for us and hoping we make the right decisions, because our decisions affect countless generations, past, present and future.

We took time to talk about each individual and why they are important to our family. It was so neat to hear the kids talk about each other and hear why they love each other so much. Last we talked about why dad was important to each of them. Megan said she loves that dad makes her smile and laugh. Michael said that he likes how dad teaches him stuff, like what the different lights on the car mean/do. Nathan talked about how grateful he is that dad goes to work each day and works hard to provide for our family. I like that he said, "Dad goes to work every day, unless there is something more important he needs to do for the family." He recognizes that dad works hard, but also that he takes time for other important family things too. Liz was last. I think the first things that came to her mind were taken by the other kids. With a little clue she said, "Priesthood." When I asked why it is important for dad to hold the priesthood she said, "He could baptize us and he blessed us when we were babies and he can give us father's blessings . . . " And without even taking a breath she added, "Can he give us blessings for school on Sunday, because Monday will be too late." We sure love and appreciate Dad in our home.

Last night Meg was having a bit of a hard time falling asleep. She came downstairs a lot. At one point she said (in one long breath, without pausing), "Do you know why I like my room? I can look out the window and see the sunset. It is so pretty, you should come see it." So I went upstairs and peeked through the blinds with Megan as she continued to comment on the beauty of the sunset. Then I tucked her in, kissed her forehead and said goodnight, reminding myself that these moments are treasures.

We have a big week ahead. School starts next week. We will venture into the world of junior high school. But we are ready for it!

Hymns

One of my callings (responsibilities) in our ward (church congregation) is to pick and lead the hymns that we sing each Sunday. I am certainly not a professional, but I LOVE music, and I love the hymns of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They carry a beautiful spirit with them and I often learn from the words as we sing. Another reason I like choosing the hymns is that I get to think about them for days before Sunday actually comes. I often have the tunes or words of the songs we are singing the upcoming Sunday floating around in my head, and many times I have experiences that relate to the words. Some weeks I feel drawn to choose a particular song. Some weeks one of the speakers refers to the words of a song I chose and how those words relate to the topic they are speaking about. In either of these cases I feel an increased gratitude for the blessing of beautiful hymns.

Just a few minutes ago, Nathan came down the stairs and said, "Mom, I want to thank you." When I asked why, he answered, "For choosing hymn 191 for the sacrament hymn." He told me about how he is worried about his upcoming doctor appointment and needing some immunizations. Then he read to me the first line of the third verse:

Although in agony he hung,
No murm'ring word escaped his tongue.

He said, "If Christ was hurt by thorns and nails and didn't complain, then I can get a couple of shots and not complain."

Yep, I cried.

Today our ward choir sang Father, Cheer Our Souls Tonight as prelude before Sacrament meeting. This song is not sung very often, but it is a beautiful melody with a beautiful message.

Father, cheer our souls tonight;
Lift our burdens, make them light.
Let thine all-pervading love
Shine upon us from above.

Today in our Young Women's meeting (meeting of girls 12-18 and their leaders) we opened by singing Lead, Kindly Light. I don't really remember hearing this hymn, at least not often, until I started college. I had a group of friends that would gather to sing at a quiet place on campus each Sunday evening, and that is where I learned it. It taught me a lot while I was in college, and still stands as a reminder to put my trust in the Lord.

The Logan Temple

I have never been to the Logan Temple, and neither has Brian. I have always wanted to go see it though. It is a very historic building (it is the second temple completed in Utah, back in 1884), and it has a different look than many temples completed today. Last week we spent some time with Brian's family up in Ogden, and since we were already half way to Logan we took the opportunity to take the kids there.

It was an overcast day, but the temple was still beautiful. As we walked up to the temple Nathan said, "I think I know which temple I want to get married in." All of the kids like the different colors of the stones the temple is built from. 

 Touching the Temple

 Nathan took this pictures of me and Brian.

 The grounds were beautiful. The flower beds were immaculate and filled with lots of color, the fountain was gorgeous and the grassy hills were so green. Such a beautiful place! I couldn't help but become a little teary as we walked around the temple.

I am so grateful for the blessings that come from the temple. And I am so grateful to live in a place where there are so many temples close by (we live within a 2 hour drive of 10 temples, and two more are being built, and our closest temple is less than 20 minutes away).

I have a great deal of respect and admiration for those who give up so much, even everything, to travel long distance to attend the temple. Stories such as this one help me remember to not take for granted the blessing of having temples close by. 

Last night at dinner the kids were asking what Brian and I are going to do next week when they go camping with grandma and grandpa. We told them that we are going to spend a few days in Salt Lake. One of them asked if we would be visiting the temple. Then another one (I think it was Mike) said, "Of course they will." Attending the Salt Lake temple is in fact the major part of our plans for next week, and it made me happy to see that the kids, in this small way, understand that the temple is important to me and Brian.

I hope to follow President Monson's counsel "to have the spirit of the temple in [my heart] and in our [home]."

The Great American Fifth Grade Challenge and more

Nathan was so excited for fifth! He watched Liz perform in Hope of America and complete the Great American Fifth Grade Challenge and he couldn't wait to get started, in fact he memorized the Gettysburg Address over the summer so he would be ready on the first day of school!

I think fifth grade is an amazing year. I love their focus on American History, and at our school we have one particular teacher whose passion is history. He really emphasizes the importance of our nation and the principles upon which it was built. Nathan has loved it all. He loved reading The Killer Angels (about the battle of Gettysburg) and talking about it with his teacher. Another day Nathan was telling us specifics about a battle from the Civil War. I had never heard about it and later Brian and I looked it up online. I don't know why , but we were a little surprised at the many minute details that Nathan remembered.  

Here is one video from Hope of America. The program was just the same as last year when Liz performed. This is still one of my favorite parts though. Nathan is in the yellow section just to the right of the flag. 

Here are the kids reciting the Gettysburg Address at the Great American Fifth Grade Challenge award ceremony.  It makes me a little teary every time.  They also recited the Preamble of the U.S. Constitution and all of the U.S. Presidents. Additionally, to earn the award they had to label a map of states, capitals, and oceans, sing or say the Star Spangled Banner and write the Pledge of Allegiance. 

This year the Fifth grade had a celebration for the parents in the evening. They sang some songs from Hope of America and had a slide show presentation with pictures of the neat things they have done this year, including their big America History days of activities.  I wasn't even going to take a camera since I had video and pictures of it all already. But that was too much against my nature, so I took them. I am so glad I did, because they sang this song, a song that Nathan's teacher stumbled upon and taught the kids. The musician ended up coming to talk to the fifth grade, gave them each a CD and sang a few more songs. There were lots of tears from many of the parents. It was so touching. 

I am so grateful for the reminder that we truly are blessed to live in America. Our country certainly isn't perfect, but we enjoy so many freedoms and opportunities because so many sacrificed so much to keep our nation strong. 

The Gift of Motherhood

Today is Mothers' Day. I am always grateful for the reminders that motherhood is a vital part of Heavenly Father's plan for his daughters. And tonight a friend shared a couple of thoughts that have made me think about motherhood and Mothers' Day a little differently than I have in the past.

First, she said that she learned that Mothers' Day is not about celebrating perfection, but rather celebrating our every day efforts and our ability to get back on our feet and try again when we stumble. To be perfectly honest I don't recall a Mothers' Day when I felt completely inadequate or discouraged about how I was doing as a mom. Don't get me wrong, I have had plenty of those days. I just don't remember them coinciding with the holiday. But I plan to tuck away this thought and use it every time I need a pick-me-up.

Secondly, she asked what I thought of "the gift of motherhood" not only the opportunity to raise children, but also as a spiritual gift (a talent or quality) bestowed by the Lord (see 1 Corinthians 12, Doctrine and Covenants 46:7-26, Moroni 10:8-18). So rather than just having children, the gift of motherhood would be gifts of knowledge and qualities needed to rear them.

I have never really thought of motherhood as a spiritual gift, or at least not using that term, but now that I hear it stated that way, I think that it fits. To have the gift of nurturing and loving and teaching in a way that is pleasing to the Lord would indeed be a gift. I think that sometimes when our kids are little we are so consumed by taking care of their physical needs. Obviously teaching them the gospel is part of that, but I have learned that as my kids have gotten older the physical needs they have decrease, but they have much more need of emotional and spiritual care. The need for gospel teaching and training increases as their understanding increases and especially as they reach the age of accountability, make covenants and then prepare for young womanhood (for girls), receiving the priesthood (for boys) and attending the temple (for both girls and boys). This teaching doesn't just happen in formal settings, but throughout each and every day. And I know that Heavenly Father wants to be our partners as we raise HIS children. He wants to help us and as we diligently seek him he will bless us with the "gift of motherhood" and will help us know the best way to rear each of his unique and special children that he has sent to our homes, and he will help us to "mother" those around us who may be in need of another worthy and righteous example.

I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect, but just in this past week I have had a couple of experiences that helped me know that my Heavenly Father will truly bless me with the ability to help the children I have been blessed with.

Just a few days ago one of our children was facing a challenge, a really hard one, that they needed to overcome. I was truly at a loss of what I could do to help. They were in their room with the door closed. I was on the floor in the hallway wondering what I could possibly do. I closed my eyes and pled for some guidance. With actions that were not very characteristic of me and words that I had not planned to say and with patience I did not think I possessed, I was able to help this child. I know that they were the right things to be said and done, but they were not my idea, I don't really know how they occurred to me, but once I started to act they felt so natural. I know that it was with the Lord's help and through the guidance of the Holy Spirit that I was led to do the right thing for this special soul in my care. What an amazing learning experience for the both of us!

The second experience occurred tonight. The kids were in bed having their quiet reading time. Brian and I were playing a game. Megan had come down several times for drinks, hugs etc. She came down again. Usually my first reaction when it is past bedtime and I am tired is to say, "it is really time for bed." But tonight, similar to the other day, I just felt like I needed to act differently. It is hard to explain because there wasn't even really time for a conscious thought, but I am grateful for the experience that followed. This is how the conversation went.

Megan: Today in Primary I had this feeling and so now I am reading the Book of Mormon stories. I am going to read all of the scriptures stories.
Me: Do you know what that feeling was?
Megan (with one of the sweetest expressions on her face that I have ever seen): Love
Me: Do you know where that feeling of love came from?
Megan: Heavenly Father and Jesus
Me: And how do They help you feel love?
Megan (after a bit more guidance): The Holy Ghost

What a sweet, tender and amazing experience to share with this innocent spirit who is growing and progressing!

I am far from perfect and I make lots of mistakes, but I am grateful the Lord helps me to get up, dust myself off and try again. I am grateful that through the enabling power of the Atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ the Lord can help me be more and be better than I would be on my own, and this applies to motherhood just as it does to everything else in my life.

I am so grateful to have these four amazing kids in my life and for all that they teach me. I am grateful for those who have loved, mentored and mothered me, especially for my mother who has given me so much and who has set an amazing example of righteous womanhood and motherhood to me.